My Mind Unleashed (jus a portion anyway)

I HATE YOU!! 

the truth hurts doesn’t it

(via simplyystunning)

my world is literally falling apart..

ok my fiance doesnt want to be together anymore, thinks i have sideline hoes or whatever…i have changed my number like 6 times since i have been with this one chick. i am flirtatious and i love my job more than anything an maybe thats the problem..i like being me. so it would seem she doesnt like me for who i am..but she says otherwise…ok i have stopped stripping, i have ditched my bestfriend in another state, stopped communitcating with many ppl, changed my dresscode, have done some pretty uncomfortable things for this woman that i love with so much of my heart and has she done anything that is special for me?..NO..i get the regular simple things that she could do with any regular bitch thats out there. i dnt feel special in her eyes or sexy in the least. what am i doing with such a person that wont give me the attention that i know i deserve. i have been abused physiacally by this love of mine and yet i stick by her side since everyone else i know shits on her so much. where is this love that we have going. only god knows and i think on one path it maybe distruction which kinda excites me, cuz then i have to deal with the unknown again. but then it could go perfectly right and we have the fairy tale relationship that i know we both secretly want. flowers, cards, candy, sex any and everywhere, just love every single day of every single moment.  i have started doing all the wifey things that i wasnt used to becuz i was always dating fems and they done it for me but now i dnt know what ima do without her. it kills me just to think about what i will be doing without her. i vowed that i would be a hoe, not lieterally but have females here and there like the old days but i think that part of me is gone. i want something that is real. or at least i thought thats what i had. how much of myself do i have to change to make one person happy. i continue to change but the smallest of things i ask are still left undone. wtf man. am i that bad a person. do i really ask for too much?

omfg!!!! the shit just hit the fan…ALL the truth has come out i swear my heart has literally come out of my chest and hit the wall and is sliding down the wall to the floor!!!

where am i to go now. back to the old dog, me cutting myself, fighting all the time, high all the time, everywhere with anybody and nobody…my world is upside down, inside ou,t cut up into small pieces, eaten, digested, shitted out, and burned right now. i wanna say i need prayer but im scared i will get struck by lightening instead.    I just want things to go smoothly and be with someone who like me for me and i dnt have to make all these changes to where i have to hate myslef to pls them. i mean it might be a lil more tolerable if i got some changes in their self as equal to the changes that i make…

Time will only tell where i end up, if you dnt see another post then you know i have bit the dirt…

excuse me….:-) can we fuck now :-)

so i was hurting from the thing that you done to me, i cried and wondered how could i ever come back from this. i prayed and wanted to kill myself. you acted as if you didnt care and what you done shouldnt have hurt me that bad. so you kept treating me like shit and we both moved on. i was hating you on the inside. now that i have done something to hurt you OMFG..THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END!!!! I cant hear the end of this mess like i just shot your mother or something. i said i was sorry and everything and i did feel bad for what i done but omg its like now i cant do anything without you being in my pocket. we are supposed to be adults but i feel like im in a relationship with a person thats in middle school with these games you play…when the fuck are u gonna grow up..

there is so much i want to say right now but i feel like its pointless just like actually talking to your ass omg i have ppl throwing themselves at me and i politely dismiss them for your selfish ass. wtf was i thinking when i said this would work. im tryin. im tryin to get you to be a real human and not a bitch!!! yes you are a real bitch. a selfish unattractive hard to love onesided bitch. 

yes my dream relationship may be a fantasy to you but thats probably because you dnt know what a real relationship consists of….fuck i shouldnt have to tell you or explain to you how the fuck you are supposed to treat me..